Still messed up emotionally, but slowly getting better. Sofia and I are just friends.”“Wait, you spent the night last night at her house and you’re just friends?”“Yeah, we decided that last night. In fact, we just shared a bed, we didn’t have sex. We talked and agreed that it’s best if we were just friends because I can’t make any kind of commitment to her. First, there’s Pia, second, I’ll be going home in eight months and have no idea if I’ll ever come back.”“And you were OK with just sleeping, not doing anything?”“Yes, I was. In fact, not just OK, but it was the right thing to do.”“You are not a Swedish guy, that’s for sure!” she laughed, then after a short pause asked, “How are you dealing with everything?”“I’m still torn up about the abortion. I know what everyone has said, but it still feels like Becky did it to protect me, and that’s not what I wanted.”“But it was her choice; it had to be. No matter what her reasons, it had to be her choice, not yours.”“Yeah, I know. I have a. Oh ... Yes.Ahhhh, oh, oh yes that was nice. Pete’s talented hand making her ... Sweet Nell ... Making me Mickey just so ... So happy in this “dark sacred night,” thinking to Nell, to her, to myself, to Mickey, “what a wonderful, wonderful world.” I could almost hear ‘Satchmo’ Louie Armstrong singing softly in the nearby trees by the lake, as I returned back to earth.Being with Pete made me not care that we had wasted a night in the backyard, when we could have been doing pretty much the same thing in my nice comfortable bed. Inside, without all the mosquitoes, and those smoky PIC coils ... Pushing my many doubts away for another day.Not doubts about fucking Pete. No, loving my wonderful caring little brother was absolutely the right thing for me. Those doubts were doubts about whether it was it really the right thing for me to do to, or maybe for Peter. We could not ever tell anyone else about our love.It would be pretty easy to hide in plain sight. It was completely natural for.
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